On my journey as a believer I have prayed many prayers. One of which is in response to the prayer in Ephesians 1 where Paul prays for a Spirit of wisdom and revelation. I have prayed that the Lord would give me revelation through this word and revelation of who he is.

Have you ever thought how that revelation might come? I have often thought of it would be like a thought flashing across my mind or a sudden realisation…like the light being turned on in a dark room.

However, I am increasingly aware that though revelation can come like this, I find the lord is wanting me to experience the things that I pray for, but I hadn’t bargained what I got.

I prayed for revelation of the cross, and hoped it would come in a passionate experience that I could preach about on a Sunday. One which would move the people, and if I am really honest and vulnerable, one that people will commend me for and refer to in the future. I think back to a CJ Mahaney message on the cross that did just that. But it didn’t come like that. It didn’t come in a mentally stimulating moment with a lovely witness of the Holy Spirit.

No, it came in a chilling death blow to my heart. As things around me seemed to go from what I thought was bad to worse and beyond. There was only one option. There was only one way. And that was to die. Death isn’t pretty, at least not in my case. There is a lot of moaning and complaining. But it seemed that there was only one way, and that was to die. Die to dreams, to hopes, to what I had taken for granted. Everything thrown up in the air in a radical shaking up of reality and expectation. Stripped back. Broken.

There is only prayer that to pray in those moments. And that is for grace. His empowering presence.

As Christians we talk a lot about Grace. Some people really get it, they see where they have been, the messes they have been in and they recognise Gods amazing kindness in rescuing them. For others it is just a distant memory and we have imbibed the zeitgeist, entitlement.

The answer to my prayer had come through as eperiantial heart cry for grace, grace that was wrought through the cross. And the words of The Lord to Paul ring in my ears, ‘my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’.

How I wish there were a different way, but who am I to talk back to the potter?