The beginnings of sonship

In the church network I belong to we talk a lot about being sons and daughters and not living as an orphan. The teaching and the revelation around this has saved me in more ways than I can explain.

In understanding my journey let me tell you about a friend. Most onlookers would regard him as being on the autistic spectrum, however, he, up until last year just thought everyone around him had a problem. During his work he went to a seminar on how to recognise autism. I caught up with him a few weeks later and he said “it was like they were describing everything about me”. He now freely recognises he has Aspergers and is adjusting his life to compensate for some of the behaviour patterns that come with it. It’s not a problem, it’s just how it is.

When I first listened to the teaching about having an orphan heart it was like my friend in the autism seminar. I cried for days as I recognised how much of an orphan I had been…and from there, God began healing my heart from years of pain. What an amazing revelation that the Lord wouldn’t leave me as an orphan, that I was a son and valuable to him. I would like to say that the Lord fixed everything in those few days. But it was just the beginning. He had begun healing the hurt but also teaching me to live like a son. I not only had the wounds but a self perpetuating lifestyle to match. That was where it became a daily process of asking the Lord to deliver me from orphan ways and the renewal of my mind with the truth that I am accepted, beloved and chosen…easy as A,B,C…in theory yes. In practice the orphan in me would be crying out, fighting and hurting. But in Gods faithfulness, like layers of an onion He would show me more and I would learn increasingly to come to a place of rest in his kindness, goodness and provision. Knowing that I was truly precious and honoured in his sight.

As I reflect on these thing I think one of the keys to freedom came from knowing the value the Lord placed upon me. In one of the few times I have heard what seemed to be the audible voice of God (I say seemed as no one else was there to validate it), I heard the Lord say ‘you are precious and honoured in my sight’. I knew it was in Isaiah 43, and the words boomed through my head and penetrated my soul. We can all know truth in our heads but we have to get into our hearts in such a way that we really really believe it and live in it’s light.
At moment these words became a rock that I would cling to and remind myself of.

In my daly life I have blue sky days of thinking and living where being a son and living in that light are full of grace and flow easily. There are some days though where it feels like storms are pressing in, pressing all of your buttons, taunting and provoking you to behave as an orphan. It is these moments where you have to have faith in Gods promises and not navigate by your emotions. Emotional navigation in the storms invariably leads you to crash into the rocks of life. If I take hold of the truth I have come to realise that my emotions will obediently come in line.

I am glad to say the journey does get better. I know there is more that the Lord has to teach me and I find that there is often something I have to die to. But as time goes by I realise the blue sky days are not random or indeterminate, there is a degree that my choice and my choosing to believe what he says about me affects the ‘weather’. It’s not always the case but I have more power than I think. And when the storms come, I know there is always a blue sky above it.